Episode One: Seize The Day

When a person spends close to four years in the land of opportunities, you'd think that the person would be conditioned to understand the basic algorithm of a successful life – Grab all the Available Opportunities and Seize the Day.

Unfortunately you'd be surprised to know that there is one man on this planet who, in all the wisdom acquired by spending four years in the United States, has not got the essence of the way of life there. All he learnt in the land of opportunities was to wait for his turn everywhere.

So when he returns home to Hyderabad, India he decides to show his well natured personality to the unsuspecting Hyderabadis.

That alone can explain why he, in other words "I", waited patiently for fifteen minutes after entering a famous food joint in Himayat Nagar of Hyderabad. I was waiting to be seated. However no one paid any attention to me. People, who came after me, gave me a sympathetic look and grabbed all the available opportunities while I stared at them with disgust in my eyes. "Uncivilized people" I thought.
I should wait for my turn. Perhaps some people would draw inspiration from my resilience.

However after fifteen minutes of standing there like a dork, my resilience was showing signs of wearing out. When an esteemed patron called me and asked me for "Iced Tea on the rocks" I snapped and grabbed the next available opportunity much to the frustration of a young lad who arrived at the doorstep moments ago and looked as if he had just got off the plane from California.

When I finished my dinner, that guy was still standing there with a puzzled expression on his face – waiting to be seated.

This is not an isolated one off incident. Last week I went to a mobile phone showroom and expected a friendly salesperson with a warm smile on his/her face to guide me to the counter and pamper me with brochures etc.

Nothing of that sort happened though. I patiently waited for five minutes. The salesmen simply chatted amongst themselves. There was no other customer in the showroom. Finally I went to the group and politely asked, "Excuse me please. Do you sell mobile phones?"

They looked at me as if I had just escaped from the famed Nehru Zoological Park. "Yes sir."

I asked again, just to be on the safe side, "Are you open now?"

The look turned into one of sympathy. "Of course we are open."

I realized I needed to grab my opportunity here and make the first move. "Can you show me the latest Nokia models?"

When I came out of the showroom, a friend of mine, who was with me all along, told me in clear terms that I had to change my ways if I had plans of settling down in Hyderabad or for that matter anywhere in India. I readily agreed with him. It may sound a little odd that just four years of exposure to the American way of life, actually a grossly incorrect interpretation of it, could change a person so much. However in my case, it was pretty real. Maybe it was due to my limited exposure to the metro lifestyle of India prior to my Great American Stint. I come from a sleepy little hamlet in South Andhra Pradesh and customer service there meant the warm smile of the next door green grocer!

It is pretty clear to me now. I failed to read the American script properly. I should have read the line "Seize the day. Grab the opportunity with both hands." instead of "Wait for your turn." Well, to each his own.

Celebrate life. It is so precious and unique and yet taken for granted by most of us.

Believe in God. Those who believe in Him, have a channel to vent their feelings. Those who don't, have no such reprieve.

Finally - Learn to appreciate every minute of your life. For all you know, maybe there won't be any minute after the current one.

It has been an eventful two weeks for me. I consider this period as a life altering period. I had to go through a sea of emotions - sometimes barely managing to keep afloat and sometimes just engulfed by it. I learnt quite a few aspects of life in this period.

1. Man proposes. God disposes.
2. That doesn't make God a bad guy!
3. Everything in this world has a reason and a purpose.
4. Money has no meaning at all in the bigger schema of things.

We are still awed by Mother Nature and Her surprises. We may be beating our chest that we achieved a very high degree of scientific quotient perfected over the centuries but at the end of the day, Nature (or as I prefer - God) has the last laugh.

My dear Ishaan - You have shown me the meaning of life. It is really unfortunate that it had to come to this for me to understand the finer aspects of how life fits into the bigger picture. You have just turned 18 months old but you have achieved something most of us - adults - couldn't achieve. You have saved two lives and given the power of eyesight to two more. That's four people thanking you for the rest of their lives.

My dear Ishaan - May your soul rest in peace. Thank you for being with us all these 18 months. I understand you have other important tasks to handle. Wherever you are, I hope you achieve what you are set to do. And when you feel like returning to our world, please do consider us again. We are just waiting for you. We will wait for the rest of our lives.

Love
Venu

Atidhi - Mahesh All the way

Movie making is an art. Some people spend all their energy on the scripting part to ensure there is a solid screenplay with twists and turns thrown in between to keep the narration engrossing and interesting. However some people start by assuming that the role would be done by a specific actor and then weave a story around him/her keeping in mind the body language of the actor and the expectations people have on the actor.

Atidhi unfortunately seems to be product from the second school of thought. It doesn't have a story worth speaking of. It relies heavily on the screenplay and the amazing screen presence of Mahesh Babu, a man who singlehandedly rescues this movie from sinking at the box office and what more! he even makes it enjoyable for most part of the movie.

It has traces of a few movies we have seen before (Pokiri, Athadu, Man on Fire) but what makes this different, and I assure you it is different, is the freshness of its screenplay. Some of the sequences are well shot and are imaginative. A case in point is the very first Fight episode. Another is the sequence with Ashish Vidyarthi in the middle of the movie. And then we have the ICICI episode towards the very end.

Sadly, such glimpses of brilliance are a minority in this three hour long saga which takes nearly an hour and a half to get into the real plot. The entire first half rides only on Mahesh' extraordinary sense of timing and Amrita Rao's Girl-Next-Door charm. Just when you begin wondering whether anything is going to happen at all, the story picks up momentum and prepares you well for the action packed second half, which is a whole lot better than the first albeit a terrible climax - or Anti climax in the last ten minutes of the movie. A climax like this in any other movie would not have seen so out of place as it does in this movie - purely because of the brilliant run up to the climax. The end did not live up to the expectations set by the director.

Coming to the performances, this is just a one man show - Mahesh Babu. He is in his elements in this movie. While the blockbusters and the superhits he has delivered so far have seen some aspects of his acting prowess, this movie exploits him to the core - bringing out the best in him. You get to experience a roller coaster ride of emotions - frustration, helplessness, confusion, love, hatred, joy - you name it - you have it. Watch out for his brilliant portrayal of anguish right at the end. It is fair to conclude that Atidhi is just Mahesh all the way - from start to finish

Amritha Rao, with her girl next door looks delivers a good performance and could match the leading guy eye to eye in most of the confrontational episodes. The new guy stepping into the shoes of the notorious Kaiser steals the show. Kudos to his efforts.

The rest do their part as required. Sunil and Brahmanandam provide a few laughs but their roles are not properly written.

Mani Sharma's music is pretty good and the songs look great on screen. Special mention to the cinematographer for his efforts on the song - Satyam Emito. Outstanding contribution. Rerecording could have been better what with some of the punch lines getting drowned in loud background music.

There was a comment by someone when the show was over. "Boss! Everything is great about this movie. Only problem is the director!". Aptly said - Surendar failed to use this opportunity. It could have been a very good thriller but unfortunately it doesn't rise to that level. Surender tried to put in twists and turns wherever possible and in the process forgot completely about the IQ of the average movie goer in Andhra Pradesh. Some of my friends who have accompanied me to the movie today could not understand some of these well shot episodes.

At the end of the day, Atidhi could have been better. For a change, do not leave your thinking cap outside the theatre when you go to this movie. You will need it very much! Just watch it for Mahesh Babu and his outstanding effort.

My opinion - Good.

The Art of Reviewing - Where to draw the line?

This is not a review of any movie but a generic take on what exactly are the responsibilities of a movie reviewer?

Let me set the context first. Suppose I am a great fan of a screen idol A, and I go to one of his movies on the day of its release - find that it was the worst movie I've seen till date - and say so in my review afterwards, am I cheating anybody?

For that matter, consider the second hypothetical scenario. Screen idol B, a rival hero to A, comes up with a movie that I find very good. If I mention this in my review, am I guilty of double crossing my favorite hero "A"?

What follows next is just my personal opinion on this issue. As a human being, I can have my own favorites - but when I don the hat of a movie reviewer, I need to approach the movie as a neutral person and judge it solely based on the movie - not based on the history of the actors in it.

Calling it a spade itself is quite an art. To do so without being bogged down by people's expectations on YOU and YOUR REVIEW is probably the toughest job you as a reviewer should take care of. Before entering the movie hall, you need to leave behind all baggages including your own favoritism.

Also you should resist from posting a detailed line by line account of the movie's plot. Avoid speculating on the movie's box office stamina because you simply are in no position to "predict" the audience response. If possible try not to get into the usual rating game (3 stars out of 5) etc because these ratings are seldom based on scientific analysis. It is often the gut feel of the reviewer. While I have nothing against the gut feel, (In fact I feel the gut feel should drive the tone of your review) it is wrong to assign a rating to the movie based on this. However you can do so by specifying clearly that it is your personal rating of the movie.

Either way - decimal points in a rating do not make any sense at all. It will only result in "Why 3.25 for this movie and 3.5 for that movie" discussions. Decimal points signify a more accurate number. When the whole rating fiasco is just a subjective take based on your gut feel, reducing the movie to a decimal point rating is doing a great disservice to the movie and to yourself.

If you have to have a rating, have a descriptive one instead. Something like Bad -> OK -> Good -> Very Good.

Remember, you need not bash a hero to bash the movie. And you need not bash a movie to bash a hero. These are two different things and try to separate these two when you are set to write your review.

All the best for the up coming Atidhi.

Signing off....
Platy.

Alright, let me make it very clear in the first sentence itself - The only reason I picked up this book last weekend in Crosswords was the reference to IIT. And no, I am no way connected to IIT but I love campus fiction and most campus fiction these days are centered around an IIT campus.

Thanks to a very average Five Point Someone (FPS) and a bad "Anything for you, Ma'am" I was not expecting a great read when I started this novel. However it was a pleasant surprise. It did manage to surpass my meager expectations.

"Above Average" by Amitabha Bagchi was written in 2000 much before Chetan Bhagat's ground breaking novel made its way to the stands across the country. "Above Average" is all about Arindham or Rindhu as he is commonly known as inside the campus of IIT Delhi. The narration is devoid of any frills and does not pretend that it is holding you on the edge of your seat like some of the other campus thrillers do. However it manages to hold your interest.

The book has a non linear narration which seems absurdly random at times but a careful reader will be able to appreciate the jumps in the thought process of the narrator. It is the USP of the book. The book also describes the campus life in a much better manner compared to FPS.

To cut a long story short, this is a nice book to read and it stays with you long after you've finished reading it. It takes you back to your campus, your professors, your crushes and your ambitions.

At 195 rupees it is a bit steeply priced (By FPS standards) but then this is worth every paisa of those 195 rupees.

My rating: Above Average :)

I stared at the mansion.

Probably a century old house complete with a creaking wooden gate.

The drizzle just added to the effect. It was four in the afternoon and was pretty dark with low hung clouds threatening to burst anytime.

I stepped back and checked the door number again.

“Yes?” a trembling hand opened the gate slightly. A seventy year old man peered out.

“Ah my name is Vishal. Vishal Mehta. I am a grandson of…”

The old man didn’t let me complete it. “Sri Karan Mehta?”

I nodded. “I had talked to you earlier. We are planning to sell this house.”

He sighed, “Yes I remember. Come in. Come in. I am Thakur”

“I know. How are you Thakur?” I asked.

“Fine. Fine.” He said.

There was a narrow pathway from the gate to the house. Thick vegetation on either side of the pathway gave out a peculiar smell – thanks to the unnerving rains lashing the area.

The interiors of the house were well maintained. There were many rooms and many corridors. The main corridor in the first floor linking the east part of the house with the west part ran across the main hall.

“Is this the famous corridor?” I asked Thakur sipping the steaming chai.

He nodded. “The ghost walks from the east end to the west end.”

“Every night?” I asked him casually. I didn’t believe in ghosts.

“No. There is no pattern as such. But it is fairly regular.”

“What does it do? The ghost?” I was curious.

“Oh nothing. It just walks or glides. Must be a good ghost.” He laughed.

It was a week back that I received a call from Thakur about this ghost. I was supposed to go to Randheer’s house in the neighboring district this weekend to attend some function.
However this call changed my plan. I wanted to get to the bottom of this ghost business because I’d been toying with the idea of disposing of this estate as I had no use for it.

“I would like to meet it tonight.” I said.

“There is a high probability,” Thakur said, “These days it is appearing very regularly.”

That night, I took my sleeping bag and settled on the corridor near the statue of Goddess Lakshmi. I wanted to meet the ghost face to face. I also wanted divine protection just in case.

At twelve midnight, Thakur excused himself and went to sleep. At one, I was fighting to keep awake. At two I was fast asleep.

It was same old dream again; everyone was staring at me as I walked along. Some of them had a confused look; some were petrified and some expressionless. I just checked my clothing and my appearance. Everything was in order. Why were they staring then? I could see them hiding behind a row of pillars. I could see them in an open area at the far end of the hall.

I woke with sweating like a pig.

Thakur was staring at me. “Did you see it? It just went over you.”

I felt a strange chill. “No. I fell asleep.”

Next night I was determined not to sleep. I got myself a radio and tuned into Vividh Bharti. I had with me a copy of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. Half an hour later, I was immersed in the book completely. The ghost didn’t pay a visit till 4am. I decided to call it off and sleep.

This time I could see the pillars clearly. There weren’t many people around. Though I couldn’t recognize any of the faces, I could sense a feeling of void in their faces. It was as if they had resigned to their fate. Suddenly the pillars ended and I was walking in the open area. It was bright and I could see a tree in the middle, a big one.

I woke up.

It was eight in the morning. I ran downstairs and found Thakur smoking his pipe in the garden.

“No ghost yesterday?” I asked him.

He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

That afternoon I got a call from Randheer. “Yaar, you should come over to my village. I am sure you’d go crazy. We have a friendly ghost roaming around. It does nothing but glide from one place to another.”

I was aghast and told him about the ghost incident in my mansion. He was taken aback. The ghost probably visited us first and then moved on to Randheer’s place.

“I still haven’t seen it.” I explained him my two failed attempts.

“Me neither.” He told me.

“Let’s try to catch it this time. I will try to talk to the ghost.” I said.

That night, I was there on the corridor with my sleeping bag – under the statue of Goddess Lakshmi.

At two in the night, there was an unnatural breeze. It became very cold on the corridor. My heart beat faster and faster. I had the camera ready.

At the East end of the corridor, the wall looked as if it was split wide open. Out stepped a wavy figure emanating a blinding white light. I could just make out the silhouette of the ghost. Facial features were not visible. It was gliding towards me. I stared the ghost. Twenty eight years of utmost devotion to science and logic refusing to believe what was happening there, I felt something was churning inside my stomach.

I collapsed.

The pillars wore a deserted look this time. I could see only one person frozen in time. I went to the open space again. The tree was big. I crossed the tree and was looking for a door to get out of the chamber.

“Chai beta?”

I opened my eyes. It was bright and sunny outside.

“I saw it… the ghost.” I said weakly.

Thakur nodded. “I saw it too.”

I told him all about my dreams and about the ghost’s visit to my friend’s house. “Is there some connection between my dreams and the ghost?”

He didn’t respond for a long time. Then he said, “Why don’t you visit your friend and see if it is the same ghost?”

I boarded a bus to Randheer's village early next morning.

He received me in the bus stop and led me into his village. It was a two kilometer walk. The weather was pleasant and the walk was enjoyable. I told him about the ghost. He managed to get a fleeting glimpse of the ghost the previous night. It was exactly how I had seen it. Blinding light and only the silhouette was visible.

"I have been having some strange dreams too," I said, "I believe they have something to do with the ghost."

Randheer stopped in his tracks. "Well, that's strange! I have been getting similar dreams myself."

"Not much of detail in my dream though. I just see a big hall and then an open space in my dream. What about you?" I asked Randheer.

"Same yaar. Just a big hall but no open space!"

Randheer's folks received me with great fanfare. People in this part of the world rarely visited one another. Hence my visit was a breather for them. It also gave them a chance to talk about the Friendly Neighborhood ghost with someone who believed them.

"That ghost walks from there to here without doing anything. We just hide behind these pillars and..." I didn't hear the rest. I was staring at them. The pillars formed a corridor and I could see a bright light at the end of the corridor.

"What's there?" I pointed at the end of the corridor and asked Randheer.

"Nothing... just an open space and..."

"A big tree in the middle!" I completed his sentence. He looked at me bewildered, "How do you know?"

I was sweating. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. I wanted to get out of there.

I also wanted to know Randheer's dream in more detail. With a trembling voice, I asked him about his dream.

He was confused, "Why... Yes I dream of an old place - I walk along a corridor from one end to the other. I see a young man sleeping by the side of a statue or something in the corridor... I don't see his face clearly..."

The End.

Sivaji - Telugu - Review

A small review on Sivaji - The Telugu version.

1. Songs are out of the world. Remaining movie is right there on par with a Gemini TV serial. Production values etc are great for the songs and are totally ignored for the talkie part. The result is a jarring disconnect between the two.

2. Missing the Shankar mark. You feel his midas touch only in the songs. Rest of the movie feels like a regular B grade Tamil movie.

3. Missing the Rajni mark. Rajni is in almost every scene of the movie and has clearly lost his comic timing. His energy levels are down and it is high time he stopped romancing eighteen year old girls. The style elements are all in place but after a while you don't actually whistle when you see the same elements repeated umpteen times.

4. The movie has no continuity. It feels like a series of incidents and stops just at that. There's no proper story or an engaging screenplay. I doubt if Shankar really had a bound script before starting the movie. It feels as if the only story he had in his mind had exactly three words: "Black Money, Rajni"

SPOILER ALERT. STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET.



5. Unbelievable holes in the script: Not expected in a Shankar movie. Since when has bringing the dead back from St Peters using CPR and shock treatment started working in 100% of the cases? And by the time Raghuvaran has laid his frail hands on Rajni - it is already thirty minutes (in cinematic time). By then even rigor mortis would have set in.

6. Take a hard disk which has password protected data. Take a sledge hammer now. Hit the hard disk as hard as possible to distort it completely. Now take the remains of the hard disk to some eminent organization like RAW. They will get the data on this disk in a day. CBI trying to use mimicry artists to get into the laptop is so 1970ish.

7. Rajni amassed 250 crores (10 dollars less. I stand corrected) in the USA by working as a software system architect? That means 50 million US dollars. Even with the assumption that he took about 20 years to get to this figure - he was saving at the rate of 2.5 million USD per year. Software System Architect? Where's that job buddy?

This is the worst Shankar movie I've seen and probably one of the worst Rajni movies till date. It reaffirms my faith that big directors when teaming up with big stars mess up things pretty badly. (STALIN - Murugadoss is another example though in restrospection - STALIN is handled in a much better way by Murugadoss.)

My verdict: Yawn. Wait for the DVD

Munna

A very short Munna review.

Saw it yesterday on Prasads' large screen.

The movie has one song too many and about three hundred and fifty eight twists too many. I mean, it looks like the director and the scripwriter had packed off all twists planned for all the movies for the next two years into this movie. The result is a confused product and a dazed spectator. In the middle of this dramatic emphasis on "twists" a vital component of the movie - story - has been relegated to the background.

It is disappointing to see such a half baked project from Dil Raju. While an invincible hero escaping unhurt despite being in the line of fire is a pretty common and routine occurrence in Telugu cinema, it is high time the makers take a note of the Law of Diminishing Returns. At some point, the gloss and the technical finesse stop compensating these inane and idiotic - heroism elevation concepts. Too much of thread work in the movie and an ear shattering background score every time Prabhas appears on the screen may provide an enriching viewing experience for about fifteen minutes. But continue this onslaught for three hours and you can only feel pity for the hapless viewer.

Munna is a bad product from Dil Raju. While the first half is tolerable, it goes downhill right from the so called interval bang aided deftly by an overdose of tear jerking sequences and unrealistic reactions by the acting fraternity of the movie.

Music is passable and Prabhas has nothing much to do in the movie - except to look like a macho man and mouth ferocious lines albeit with a wooden face. He manages to do it convincingly. Iliana is back to her crowning khatarnak glory. She will not be remembered for either her performance or her appearance in this movie.

Like an oasis, Kota Srinivasa Rao excels in a neatly written small role. Prakash Raj goes through the motions mechanically but convincingly.

All in all, Munna is an avoidable flick if you are looking for a good entertainer. On the other hand if like mindless violence and superhero movies that defy logic in every step of life, you will love this movie.

The choice is yours.

Some Musings

The doctor looks at the sphygmomanometer disbelievingly for a minute. "Why! Your BP is 150 by 100. And you are barely thirty."

I wait for the inevitable question. It takes him just about a couple of seconds more to pose it.

"Have you got your Kidneys tested?"

I tell him that I've been getting my body tested at least twice every week and so far nothing alarming has been found – provided we discount the extra pounds across my waist.

He takes his prescription pad and scribbles furiously. "I am not putting you on any medication. You just reduce your salt intake and walk daily for at least half an hour."

I politely point out that I've been doing all that already.

"Walking too?" he asks.

"Walking too" I answer.

"I am not talking about walking your dog. This should be focused walking – till you sweat."

I tell him I do that every day.

"Great." He says.

I add that I do climb stairs too every day – most of the days to the third floor of the Multi Level Car Parking.

He frowns. Then he asks me. "Rewind a bit. Tell me more about your walking."

I explain my walking process to him. It takes about fifteen minutes for me to walk leisurely to the MLCP.

"Boss, I told you it should be focused walking – sweating is important."

I nod and advise him to take a walk at 10 in the morning to the MLCP. "Ask me if you don't sweat."

He then takes back his prescription and writes boldly – the all important amendment – "Walk before or after sunrise. Walk fast – at least eight kilometers per hour – Half an hour of such walking everyday and no Avakaaya pickle."

I go home – sit on the couch and switch on the TV. The calling bell rings.

"Good morning sir. If you continue abusing the environment, this may be one of the final "good mornings" in this world"

I am taken aback. I ask him who the hell he is. He tells me that he is from Greenpeace.

I immediately grab his collar, "Boss, you've been taking around 150 rupees per month from my account. Tell me how to stop it."

"Sir, your contribution helps us in delaying the inevitable." He gasps for his breath.

"What exactly is the inevitable?" I ask him.

He takes the remote controller from my hands and shows me a report running on CNN IBN. "Sundarbans disappearing fast."

At the end of the report I take control of the remote controller again and ask the Greenpeace activist about what his organization is doing to arrest this Global Warming.

"It is not just us sir. Everyone needs to cooperate. Otherwise we are doomed."

"But haven't we already reached the point of no return? Is there anything we can do to stop this?" I asked him.

"Perhaps it is too late already. But then, we should at least go down fighting."

That's when I realize that I am talking to probably a knowledgeable bloke and not just a PR activist.

He has a list.

1. Replace all incandescent bulbs with CFL.
   
2. Switch off all those CFLs when you don't need them.
   
3. Get a solar water heater.
   
4. Do you know that the standby mode of your TV consumes 20 watts? Please switch the main power supply to the television off when you are not using it.
   
5. Get an energy efficient refrigerator.
   
6. Use public transportation wherever possible. Walk more. And cut down on trips which are not required.
   
7. Upgrade your car to a more fuel efficient one.
   
8. Travel less.
   
9. Recycle, Recycle and Recycle.
   
10. Plant trees if possible and protect trees.
    

"How did you commute to my house?" I ask him point blankly.

He smiles – "Route 2 from Secunderabad."

The very next day, in an Operation Council meeting in my office, I advocate some steps to arrest global warming.

1. Don't allow any car inside the campus if it has only one occupant.
   
2. Have a preset limit for the number of cars that can enter the campus and stick to it.
   
3. Strengthen the bus service to the office. Encourage employees to use the bus service.
   
4. Wherever possible – explore the option of telecommuting.
   

All this requires a paradigm shift in the way we look at life. Global warming is no longer a matter of debate. It is going to strike us full force. We may not be affected much but our kids will surely be feeling the heat. My one year old son is going to face it all.

Yes. It is already too late. Our little blue green planet is losing its sheen. Maybe God is just rectifying a glorious mistake called Earth. However we should all join hands to delay the inevitable as much as possible.

The list I have mentioned above is something we all can do. It doesn't require a great effort on our part to – say change to a CFL bulb or get a solar water heater. It is the little things that matter.

Do everything in your capacity to arrest global warming. If it means walking more – please do that and while you are walking – walk briskly. You will do wonders to your body.

Yes, it is very difficult to catch a bus to office at 6:45am. Yes, the car is incredibly convenient and comfortable. However it just needs a bit of time management. Sleep early, wake up early – enjoy the early morning dew with a fuming cup of coffee and then enjoy the bus ride to office when pollution is at its lowest.

Try doing that. I am shunning my car from today onwards and pledging my support to this activity. This probably will help me take care of my high blood pressure as well.

Cell Phone Fantasy

Till very recently, I'd been a great fan of Nokia 3310 – a groundbreaking product from Nokia. I still swear by it while others swear at it – simply because it is the sturdiest phone I have ever seen. I have dropped it from a moving bus, a zooming auto and stepped on it three hundred and seventy two times. The phone simply doesn't budge.

It serves the basic purpose of a cell phone very efficiently – to make and receive calls.

However, a gift from a UK cousin made me change my handset to Sony Ericsson w800i – (In his own words – "We are exposed to the western world while you guys are toiling in India. Please accept this gift as a token of appreciation.")

While I disagreed with him about the "toiling in India" part – I couldn't refuse a gift. However I found it very complicated. (Coming from a 3310 loyalist – that shouldn't surprise you.) There are about four hundred functions in the phone which I seldom use.

After listening to my cribs – my cousin from UK asked me a question – "Say tell me Venu, what is the one feature you miss badly in your 3310?"

That set me thinking. What was that one feature I would practically die for?

Here's my answer. For a while I had maintained two cell phones – One for official purposes and one for personal. It was a pain to handle two cell phones. It would have great simplified my life had there been a handset that allowed one to use more than one SIM card!

Here's the explanation before you think I am crazy.

Let us assume there are two SIM cards – Official (SIM-O) and Personal (SIM-P). Let us assume there is a phone WTF1000j that can accommodate these two SIM cards.

When someone calls you on SIM-O:

The phone rings as usual and you talk. If another person calls you on SIM-P during your SIM-O call – he/she will get a busy tone. (I know that this decision is network dependent and not phone dependent. However I am talking purely from a user perspective.)

When you call someone:

The phone asks you which SIM to use. You select the SIM and the call is routed through that SIM.

Even if WTF1000j is nothing a dual SIM capability added on the top of the plain vanilla 3310, I am willing to trade off my W800i as, in my personal opinion, this is the most useful feature for any executive who has to maintain more than one phone.

My rant is over. In case WTF1000j or its variant is already in the market, please let me know the model number in the comments section.

Telugu Blog

"ఇది కలయా వైష్ణవ మాయా?" నమ్మశక్యం కాక మా ఆవిడని అడిగాను నేను - బషీర్ బాగ్ నుండి లక్‌డీ కా పూల్ అయిదు నిమిషాలలో వచ్చేసరికి.



"ఈ రోజు ఏమన్న శెలవేమో" చెప్పింది స్వాతి.



రేడియో లో మంగళంపల్లి బాలమురళి కృష్ణ గారి మృదు మధుర గాత్రం మనసును రంజింపజేసింది.



"పలుకే బంగారమాయెరా

కోదండ స్వామి పలుకే బంగారమాయెరా

పలుకే బంగారమాయే

పిలిచీన పలుకవేమి

కలలో నీ నామ స్మరణ మరువ జక్కని స్వామి..."




"శ్రీ రామ నవమి!" నాకు సిగ్గేసింది. ఈ డైనందిక జీవితపు నిర్విరామపు హోరు లో పడి మన పండుగలు కూడా గుర్తు లేని స్థితికి చేరుకున్నాము.



చిన్నప్పుడు బసవన్న గారు ఇంటి ముందుకి వచ్చి సన్నాయి మేళం తో సరదాగా సంక్రాంతి ని గుర్తు తెచ్చే వారు... భోగి పండగ అంటే రాత్రి అంతా నిద్ర పోకుండా ఇంటి పెరట్లో ఉన్న చెత్త అంతా ఏరి తెలవారేలోపాల తగల బెట్టి - ఆ మంటలు పైన ఉన్న కరెంట్ తీగలకు తాకుతుందేమో నని - నాన్న తిడతారేమోనని భయపడి ...



పానకం తాగి వడపప్పు తిని - రాముడికి దండం పెట్టేసి - అందరి ఇళ్ళకి వెళ్ళి - ప్రతి చోట మళ్లీ పానకం తాగి - ఆ రోజులు మళ్లీ వస్తాయా?



"ఏ తీరుగనను దయ చూచెదవో ఇన వంశోత్తమ రామా...

నా తరమా భవ సాగరమీదను..."




బాల మురళీకృష్ణ - మీకు సాటి ఎవ్వరూ లేరండి.



అయ్యో చెప్పడం మర్చిపోయాను - శ్రీ రామ నవమి శుభాకాంక్షలు - ఇది చదివిన వారందరికి



వేణు

 

55 Word Stories

The Wait

 

Totally bored, he glanced at his watch. He had been waiting for the train for nearly half an hour. He had decided he would not try the bus or any other transportation medium. Only the train should take him to his destination.

 

Then he heard the horn.

 

He prayed God and sat on the tracks.

 

Beautiful

 

Vineeth, a shy software engineer, met Rithika, a flamboyant software engineer in a code review session. He was the owner and she was the scribe. Butterflies flew everywhere.

 

He kneeled in front of her one fine day and she accepted the proposal. They got married two weeks later and developed code together happily ever after.

 

Tempoar

 

The assassin released the safety catch and pointed the gun at the victim's temple.

 

"Any thoughts before you die?" he asked.

 

"This is the third time you are asking that. For Chrissakes, kill me fast." The frustrated victim cried.

 

Next day there was a small news item in The Hindu. "Man found dead – cardiac arrest"

 

Racism

 

Indian New to the US: "One Bean Burrito and a medium Pepsi please"

 

Girl behind the counter in Taco Bell: "For here to go?"

 

Indian: "Excuse me?"

 

Girl: "For here to go sir?"

 

Indian(enraged): "Why should I go from here? I have an H1B and a valid I-94. I can stay here till July 2005."

 

War

 

The Indian soldier cautiously examined the enemy post. He could see someone inside. He silently went to the rear of the post, took aim and fired. The man inside collapsed in a heap. The soldier examined the man who opened his eyes and spoke, "I took the enemy soldier down before you came. Jai Hind!"

 

Faith

 

The man had never doubted the sincerity of his faithful wife. She however had some secrets that she intentionally hid from him. One day the man chanced upon a diary written by her.

 

"Tell me why you hid this from me" he asked her. She responded sadly – "Never knew you hated people who maintained diaries!"

Reality Bytes

She sat under the Banyan tree, munched the corn and mulled over her decision.

 
 

The world in front of her was bustling with people. She could see her Business Development Manager in a heated argument with someone near the smoking area. Then her project leader was almost running to the next building perhaps to attend a meeting that probably started five minutes ago.

 
 

Her flame Vikas was seen talking on the cell phone to probably his flame – Rita, an Ex-employee of the organization.

 
 

She worked through the corn. She had a deliverable to be sent to onsite that evening. That hardly concerned her. She knew when to shut off her mind to such thoughts.

 
 

Arthur entered the scene. "Hi" He startled her. She sprang to her feet and couldn't believe her eyes.

 
 

"Arthur? But I thought you…" Arthur cut her short – "That is correct. I just returned to guide you. St Peters has a soft corner for me you know!"

 
 

"I can't believe this is happening" She was almost out of her breath. Arthur smiled and suggested they could debate on the reality or lack there of of the current situation – comfortably seated under the Banyan tree – It was not very convenient for the him and for her also to stare at each other while standing near a very comfortable bench.

 
 

"You mean you could come back just like that?" She was still not able to accept that Arthur was in front of her – apparently in flesh and blood.

 
 

Arthur sighed, "Let us not venture into that. You'll only be opening a can of worms. Let us just assume that Arthur is here as he really is and get on with your burning problem."

 
 

She silently nodded, "Arthur, you know I have read" – He impatiently coughed, "I know you read all my works umpteen times. Now what is it that you want?"

 
 

"I want to write a novel." She declared with a quivering voice. "I want to write something on the software industry. A big book of 500 pages. And I want it to be as interesting as your Airport or Overload."

 
 

Arthur smiled, "That's a great start. Intent is the most important aspect of writing a novel. You've nailed down the subject too."

 
 

"Yes," She said, "But what do I write?"

 
 

"That's a million dollar question. Isn't it?"

 
 

She shook her head, "I don't even know who my hero is"

 
 

Arthur smiled, "Why do you want to single out a character as a hero? Why not talk about a group of important people?"

 
 

She did not reply. She weighed her options.

 
 

Arthur sighed, "OK, let us just start with the character profiles. Shall we? Talk about one of the characters of your novel – Develop that character's personality methodically and see if he or she is a potential hero."



"I want my characters to be real - so real that they can't be heroes. Like me for instance." she said.



Arthur smiled again. "Maybe you are a character in my novel."



It was her turn to smile. "But I know I am not."



"How?"



"Because I feel myself. I can't be a character of a book. I have a soul. I have a sense of being" she could not understand where all this was leading to.



Arthur took a paper and wrote a sentence. "Monalisa Kumari is disgusted that she is a human being."



"Now tell me, is Monalisa a real human being?" he asked her.



She stared at him



"She is disgusted. She knows that she is a human being. Is she real? or is she just a part of the sentence I've just written?" Arthur pressed.



She looked at him disbelievingly. "But I am real."



"That's what you think. People who are reading this don't think so. For them you are just a character. Character in the story - Reality Bytes."



She blinked, "You mean someone is actually writing me?"



Arthur nodded. "That's a distinct possibility."



She took her bag and stood up. "I'd better be going. This is crazy."



He didn't move. "How else can you explain my being here and talking to you?"



It then hit her - the realization that she had taken Arthur's presence for granted. She had actually believed that she was talking to Arthur. She knew Arthur could not have been talking to her. She realized there was a fundamental gap in her perception of the reality.



"You mean I am just a figment of someone's imagination?" She was about to break down.



Arthur held her hand. "I think so. If I am in India talking to a software engineer under a banyan tree instead of sleeping peacefully in my grave, something is definitely fishy. And I suspect someone called Venu Vedam."



That gave her a jolt. "Wait. I know this guy."



"How?"



"He is my project manager!"



Arthur laughed - "Now you know whom to kill."



She saluted Arthur - "Doesn't matter. I had a chance of meeting you - I don't care whether it is someone else's imagination or real. Probably I will return the favor to Venu by going back to my cubicle and completing the task he has assigned to me - on time!"

 

The End.

Market your movies well. Reap the benefits.

How do most Yash Raj Films movies manage to succeed at the box office? Is it because they are great scripts? Or is it because Yash Raj Films spend a fortune on marketing their movies?

 

They sure know how to smartly package a movie. The result? An otherwise average movie opens to great weekend collections all over the world thanks to the initial hype created by the excellent promotions. In fact around 40 to 50% of the total budget of the movie is actually spent on promoting the movie.

 

This is a very good tactic because it ensures that the producer (or Distributors as the case may be) recovers his or her investment by the time the talk spreads about how good or bad the movie is.

 

These movies depend solely on the first weekend collections. In nine of ten cases, the opening weekend tickets are sold out well in advance. This is because by the time the movie hits the marquee every Tom Dick and Harry in any corner of the country know even the minutest details about the movie.

 

Switch on the TV and you see an interview with the lead actor in one channel, a Page 3 report on something related to the movie in the next channel and a staple diet of the movie's songs in the third. Enough about the idiot box. Grab your newspaper – You see reports after reports on how this movie is made.

 

Interestingly, there is this "Est" factor. People talk about their movie and use words ending with "Est" liberally. (Best movie, Scariest time of my life, Funniest experiences…) This superlative "performance" of the media partners works big time for the movie.

 

Recently while watching a Hindi movie, I was amazed to see the number of media partners the movie had. The titles flashed at least twenty partners!

 

Compare this with the Telugu movie industry. Most of the movies in Telugu suffer from inefficient publicity. The professional approach Hindi movies adopt is missing in Telugu. While some movies are bogged down by over publicity, others have practically zero publicity.

 

When I mentioned this to a friend, he opined that perhaps the Telugu movie makers were scared of creating a hype – which might work against the movie.

 

What differentiates Hype from Publicity? You can't hype a movie but you can publicize it. Smart packaging of the movie's prerelease media exposure is called "Publicity" while elevating the movie to the zenith purely based on the actors/technicians involved amounts to creating Hype.

 

The differentiation aforesaid is off my hat. I am sure the line dividing these two is very thin and quite fuzzy. Clear definition of Hype and Publicity maybe not possible. However we can very well tilt the equation heavily towards smart publicity – by taking a leaf or two from the marketing cookbooks used in Bollywood… especially by Yash Raj Films.

“Have you seen him” I asked Julie, my best friend.

She nodded. “Pink”

Now, as much as I would love Ishaan to be “pink” in complexion, anybody with a sane mind would find it odd that an offspring of a man who was born and brought up in a tropical city like Madras could be described with that rosy an adjective. Either the commentator was kidding or perhaps the definition of pink had changed over the last twenty four hours.

“Pink?” I responded.

“Yes. The word that comes to my mind – Pink.”

“Interesting”

“What is so interesting about it? Haven’t you seen his face you dumbo? How could you remain so calm?” She flared up.

That was when I realized that “Pink” was not what it sounded like.

“Uh, Julie – Exactly what do you mean by ‘Pink’?” I was alarmed.

“Mosquito bites. Do you even realize how dangerous they are?”

I took a deep breath. “I know. What can I do? There are a million mosquitoes out there. The liquid repellents don’t work. The coil – Doctor says NO – Too toxic for the baby. He banned even the repellent creams like Odomos.”

Julie stared at me. “You are hopeless.”

“Why is that?”

“What about a mosquito net?”

“We already have one in Hyderabad. Didn’t want to buy another in Chennai because we are going back to Hyderabad in a week’s time anyway.”

“Till then?” Julie was relentless.

“You tell me”

She told me the solution. Probably it was something to do with a mystical concept known as Woman’s Intuition that she came up with an idea like that. I was dumbfounded to say the least – by the illogical nature of the solution. However I had to try it out at least. I wouldn’t be able to face Julie the next day.

So I went home and switched the AC on. It was as simple as that. Julie instructed me to keep the temperature at least five degrees below the room temperature. Agreed it was Chennai we were talking about. Yet, in the month of December, in a beach facing apartment at ten in the night, the weather felt a bit chilly and I felt like a fool switching on the AC. As per Julie, cold weather drove away mosquitoes.

“But mosquitoes like cold and damp places” I argued with her.

“Yes. But not cold weather. They hate it.”

The next day, little Ishaan woke up with a broad smile on his face. Julie took one long look at the kid and exclaimed. “Why! It worked. He is not so pink anymore.”

I somehow managed to smile. It defied all logic. Why would mosquitoes hate cold weather?

But it worked. The number of mosquito bites had come down drastically. My wife and I threw a party in honor of Julie for coming up with this great suggestion.

So next time you are troubled by mosquitoes, you know what to do. Just bring home an AC!

- Venu

PS: Because of the AC, we had to fully cover Ishaan with two layered blankets. That was why mosquitoes spared him.